My Father's Daughter

I never knew how STRONG I was until being strong was the only choice I had. I feel like the past nineteen years have been a preparation for this. Sometimes I wake up and the tears fall down like rain but I know God catches every single tear in his hand.


My Daddy is in a better place. When I look up into the sky I rejoice for him. But I cry because I don't know how long I have to wait to see him again. Four weeks ago he took a part of my heart with him that no one can ever replace. He was my hero. There is no doubt I am a daddy's girl. I had nineteen precious years with my Daddy. I can still hear him saying "Hey sweetie." There wasn't much that we didn't see eye-to-eye on. We never fought. He gave me the greatest gift he could have ever given me, he believed in me. When the world would tell me to give up, he would say "Try it one more time." Knowing my Daddy was proud of me keeps me going. It makes me think that I am doing okay.

"A little voice came on the phone

Said 'Daddy when you coming home?'
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around

I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind

I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there"

One Friday Morning

Fridays are always the hardest days to get through. I can't believe it's been three weeks already since my Daddy passed away. I keep re-living that Friday morning when everything happened. It was a day that no nineteen year old should ever have to go through.

The hour and a half drive down to Boca Grande seemed like eternity. Not knowing if they had gotten my Daddy to the hospital was the worst feeling. With every minute that passed, my mom knew why they weren't calling us. I didn't want to believe it. I can remember walking up the sidewalk and being told my Daddy wasn't at the hospital and he wasn't on his way. He didn't make it.

No. I didn't believe it. It was just a dream and I'd wake up soon and everything would be okay. But it wasn't. It was a reality that would take days and even weeks to eventually sink in. My Daddy was never going to pull into our driveway again. My Daddy was never going to walk through our front door again. My Daddy was never coming home again.

My Mom and I were driven from the hospital to the fire station where they had brought my Daddy. Once we got there, we were told the details of what had happened. Three weeks later I continue to find out details about that morning. It's like I'm piecing together a puzzle.

He woke up at 3 a.m. to go deep sea fishing with a friend. He had caught and reeled in a tarpon fish. I'm sure it was a strenuous fight. My Daddy had been wanting to catch a tarpon his whole life. Then he collasped.

About eight years ago, we found out my daddy had a heart condition. One of his arteries was so narrow that even surgery couldn't fix it. It was something he lived with his entire life. He was born with it. So after this discovery, my Dad started taking heart medications, seeing a cardiologist regularly, eating healthy, and going for walks on a regular basis. He took care of himself and did everything he was told.

It was a heart attack. The EMT's told my Mom and I at the fire station that they worked on my Daddy for an hour. Typically patient are only worked on for 25 minutes. They did everything they could to save him. It was comforting to know that nothing different could have been done for him at the hospital. It wasn't a case that if he had only made it there, he might have survived. God knew that was the morning He would call my Daddy home.

I never really saw anything on that Friday that gave me any sort of image to hold on to. I just had firefighters coming into the room explaining things and asking questions. But they didn't know my Daddy. The firemen said I had the option to see him, but after everything they had done to try to revive his heart, that he did not look like my Daddy anymore. I decided to wait and so did my Mom. I never saw my Dad that day.

Five days later I saw him. I thought it would give me complete closure but it was different. Because that is not my Daddy anymore. He is not in a box in the ground, he is in heaven. And that is why I have hope. I have hope knowing God has a plan for everything in my life. I have hope knowing He is in control. I have hope knowing that with every day that passes, I am getting closer to the day when I will see my Dad again face to face. He is saving a place for me, my Mom, and Brad. He did not leave us, he is just going ahead of us because he accomplished EVERYTHING he was meant to do here.